Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
