Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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