mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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