if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
