Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
