When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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