I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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