So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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