I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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