and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
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The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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