Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
