Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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