Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize