I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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