I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
The feeling are messing with the penis
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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