Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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