My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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