I could make wine with my vomit
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
