i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
