So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
