Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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