im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
