I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
