I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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