1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
