You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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