my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
