My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
