Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
