Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
