just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
