if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
