I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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