you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
