I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
