Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
