I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Randomize