Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
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I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
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The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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