So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
