I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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