her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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