Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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