Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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