I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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