Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
