i just wanna soil my oats bro
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
