are you still at the devil's house?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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