Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
MIDGETS
????
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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