Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Randomize
