I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Mom said you looked used
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
