you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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