i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
