Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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