It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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