Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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