piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
i've created a new STD.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
They have beer where we have blood.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
