You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
