Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
