then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
