proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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