just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
