so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
