I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
