These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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