i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
