You're completely useless in the revolution.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
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I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
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you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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