hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
