Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize
