We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
We need to get me chipped asap
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