I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
