I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
