I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
