I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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