billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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