He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
